Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
