She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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