remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
