Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
