Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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