This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
