Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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