Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
handjob tips. give me some.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
