he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
