I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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