I want to make a zoo with you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
