So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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