I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
