i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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