oh god the rape fog is back!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
