Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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