whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
