When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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