do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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