Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
