My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm at about main and main street
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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