We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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