Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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