well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize