come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
