She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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