Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize