So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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