put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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