I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
