Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
