he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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