Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
