Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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