It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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