I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
