the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
