I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
