If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
