He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's shark week go big or go home
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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