Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
