that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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