Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
