you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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