Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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