I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
