If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
