I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
