I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
