i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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