yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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