I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He felt like a one man threesome
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My life is pants optional.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
