Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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