So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
