Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
