All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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