I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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