remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
