Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(077): View more from

it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner

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(301): View more from Maryland

woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

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(812): View more from Indiana

And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.

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(913): View more from Kansas

You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .

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(732): View more from New Jersey

1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND

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(218): View more from Minnesota

You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.

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