are you so shy because you have an std?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
