This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
