I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
