you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
