I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
