So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
