i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
