This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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