he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
