for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
