I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
